the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
