p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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