If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I will be naked everywhere
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
