I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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