My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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