Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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