Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
