shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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