4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
