I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
