I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
