1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
