I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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