I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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