Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
