I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
