i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
