it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
