closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
