I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
