sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
