I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
