Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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