i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
