Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
