Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
third nipple confirmed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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