it was like his penis was on wheels.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
