This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
