Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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