so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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