i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
