You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
