Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
