Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
