I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
