please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
