I wish my penis had an off switch
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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