Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
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