i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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