I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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