My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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