omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
