So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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