I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
