I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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