its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
