all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
