Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
