i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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