I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
