I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
